Wednesday, July 1, 2009

seven plagues

Dear Vacation Bible School (VBS),

I admit the error of my ways. I offer profuse apologies for misreading your documents, making light of the situation, and for the inappropriate use of humor after the fact. Please consider my letter of thanks to be off the table and in the trash.

Now call off the plagues. We will nevermore grace your doorstep, that I can promise.
The first plague of repeated cat pooh in the sandbox was easily remedied, albeit with time and care, and cat-defeating cleverness.

The second plague? Oh no you didn't.
We thought we could quickly cure it by shearing Samson, much as your Biblical figures chose, and in the meantime create an adorable homegrown Superhero such as this:

But no. Your VBS-borne plagues are resistant to remedies and have made an effective hypocrite of me.
Let me backtrack. Oh what happened!
First this:

Then, yon shorn Superhero up above, to remove wee crawly-thingies that give mama the creepies.
Game over? Not so fast. Cut to OTC treatment, the day before vacation I might add, hours of picking and combing, relief that we caught it in time.
Cut 2 weeks in advance to today, in the wake of any tiny nits missed, and you have me - Le Hypocrite, former condemner of all things pesticidal, chemical and decidedly unsafe for humans.
Now applying ALL things prescription and pesticidal to the heads of my small darlings in a THIRD round attempt to forever rid this house of wee $*%ing treatment-resistant crawlies. (pause for shudder and scratch) I'm not sure what's worse - the plague or the loss of my staunch anti-pesticidal stance.
Yes, VBS, you have done your worst in retribution, and after I had sweetly promised to sort Jesus-fish beads at next year's VBS in penance. Offer withdrawn!
Now please. Really. Call off the plagues or this is going to get really ugly. Mama don't like bugs. Mama don't like laundry. Mama don't like bugs on laundry and 8 hot loads a day in the summer. And Mama really don't like being housebound with 4 antsy (I use the term figuratively only!) young'uns in the summer.
It's enough to make a Mama throw her hands up and call on Delilah for a solution.


  1. Bethany,

    I have read that Listerine and a shower cap--leave it on for about 30 minutes--will do the trick.
    they do become resistant to the treatment---got that is the pits!

  2. Oh no! Those little nasties are the hardest thing to get rid of! They are awful! And that photo of him in the suit? Priceless!


Put it right here, babe!