Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Daddy's Girls

"I am the wife of the Laird of Balnain, The Folk have stolen me over again." 

I thought of this line today when I realized what I have been doing online lately... Only instead of fairy folk stealing me, pinterest has stolen me. True. Too true. I put it off for many a month, but was finally dragged in by my friend Traci. Thanks, T!
Look what you've been missing around the border...
Jadyn had the idea of a photo shoot, for Daddy's birthday. I had to keep it a "secret" as Jadyn is smitten with Daddy, and doesn't like him to see her looking too pretty or caring too much. So the girls chose new shirts (Mickey & Minnie) brushed their hair all shiny and we had the "secret" photo shoot. Of course Phoenix was involved, much like Where's Waldo - but we got some sweet shots. I love these sweeties! They chose their favorite shot, cool frames, and the gifts are now on Daddy's desk:

PS I tried a Pinterest photo technique (of course!), where I was supposed to focus in tight on the subject, and the background would blur. Not sure it worked. Maybe because the sun was too bright back there? You know there's a "Pinterest Fail" category, too... :) There should be a Bethany Failed Photos Section, I am so challenged with a camera. I have such visions, such ideas! Alas... But! This group still turned out, even so.

And all this before poor Cole even got home from school... the long day of middle school has been a tough adjustment.
Stay tuned for a motley Halloween crew...

Sunday, October 14, 2012


My last (poem) post sparked some discussion with a couple of friends, and took the musing deeper. It seems that no matter what age we become, we never quite expect what it will mean to be that age. And sure there are friends and cliches to point the way, but... But. How is it that we can reach a point in life and still feel blindsided by what it means? Still assess it as a personal soul-search rather than a communal landmark?
I should be better prepared than many, having a husband that is significantly older, and close friends that range to age 80. "Should" must path the way to many a shoulda-coulda-woulda.
I should have titled the poem "What do I want to be when I grow up?" or "On being human." Who knew that many, most, or all of us desire a second act, a shake-up in the status quo at some point? I can tell you, it doesn't have to be a mid-life crisis.
Let's call it the mid-life chrysalis.
A chrysalis from which we hope to emerge purely ourselves with the wheat and chaff brushed off, the experiences learned and the satisfaction of the second act guaranteed.
I spoke of the busted forge, and as I've thought about it, my whole-hearted meaning was just that: authentic selfhood. No more trying to shape of myself something practical and easy to get along and be in the world. I don't have to will to be something I am not.
I used the math analogy because it is so concrete, to me. Putting aside esoteric mathematical concepts, it is an exact science.
I struggle with writing being an inexact science. There are so many variables, so many possibilities, so many qualities to being a good writer, being a successful writer... it seems simpler to not be a writer. (Why, oh why couldn't I choose accounting? :))
That poem was a heart cry, a banner uplifted for being exactly who we are.
And I am hearing from my friends that many of us are crying that cry and calling that call. Mostly inside, sometimes lamenting to others, but there it is.
I look at where I started, to figure out where I could have taken a different turn and delved into a career I would love.
That goes nowhere.
That road lies empty of family and children, as it was our choice to start our family right after college. Which leads me back to the beginning of this post: how can I be surprised to find myself exactly where we planned I would be? Lear Family Plan, circa 1996: family, then career.

Maybe it is as simple as saying: The time has come. (dum-dum-DUUMMMM...)
I am ready for the next act. I have soaked solely in this mother-calling for 12 years. I have raised my babies with care. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to find the resolve to move forward. To set aside some energy for chasing the dream. Once I figure out exactly what that dream is.
Am I a poet, to claim and charge forward?
Am I a memoir-writer?
Am I a memory-keeper?
Am I a bit of each?
Whatever I am, I am better at it because of friends. Friends who volley, talk, inspire and commune.
Friends who give me faces to envision and input to chew on as I muse on and around These Life Topics. Holla, ya'll.

A chrysalis is a tubular construction, and sometimes we have to travel around and around and around, re-treading and retracing that path inside until we burst free.

Fair warning, this ain't the last you've heard of this...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

On Being Me

Sometimes I try to forge
of myself
a thing of practical sensibility
and future potential
Mold my dreams into
those of an accountant or risk manager
or some-such concrete job.
Turn my feathers into pencils and protractors
Take my spiral-tipped musings
and make them dollar bills
Turn these words that spill out of my
ear-tips and toe-tips and split ends
and finally to the correct metacarpals and phalanges
(ear bone connected to the...neck bone
arm bone connected to the....hand bone...)
Turn these cloudburst moments
into a puddle of numbers
For everyone knows it’s only mathematics.
Only. Only only only.
To fight against a foregone conclusion
And light that fire
to torch that forge
t’would be a short-lived flame.
Wordy girl with a phrase on the lips
call it a day.
That forge is busted.

BL 10/9/12

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

An Update on "Po"

Hey there, all you Po followers!
(He's a big hit.) (All the rage.) ( Like Psy.) ( See below!)
This week, in an astounding leap of preK skill, Po has gained a few letters.
He calls name-writing his "homework" so that he can be as big as his siblings, and have the dreaded HW.
Now, I don't have photographic proof of this letter gain, more's the pity, but I'll vouch for it.
Yesterday, just yesterday, Po wrote "Phon."
I KNOW!! Amazing gains! Now, hold your breath, because he also wrote "iPhon" and then he did also write "oPhon" immediately after that, as well as some distinctly lopsided stick people. But, still! from From "Phon" to "iPhon" in only a day - call The Man, we have his next techie!

My friend Rachael, and Cole, have pointed out an Asian tendency, from Chinese to Korean. It all lines up, people. The Asian cultures have a clear history of legends of The Phoenix.
Now, this also *could* be an indication of PreK fandom. Gangnam Style was sweeping the country just a few weeks ago, so this is barely a lag in real-time. With Psy such a Korean phenom, Phoenix is on the right track!
Please to be amused at Gangnam Style (first the original). This one, my kids, and oh, let's face it, me too, have enjoyed.... A dedicated Mom, ya'll. :)
Your Gangnam cheat sheet
OK. That's all the info I have for you today. You're welcome.