Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas! We hope this update finds you relaxed and ready for the holiday season.

Due to a glitch in the Postal Service, our photo cards from Snapfish never arrived... So, to whosoever received my 2 separate orders and a combined total of 80 cards - please address and send them to all our friends and family!

I was feeling ahead of the game, and yes, quite proud that I had managed to get a good picture of the kids. I smugly placed my photo card order on December 5th, and sat back to wait the allotted 3 days for arrival. Waiting... waiting... waiting... - ok, after 8 days I emailed Snapfish to find out where the cards could possibly be. Snapfish sympatheticaly understood my frustration, but suggested I wait a full 10 business days before counting the cards lost. We were closing in on Dec. 15th at this point, but I agreed.

December 18th, the 10th day arrived, still no cards so Rick contacted Snapfish - and the customer service rep casually said "Oh, do you still want those cards?" What?!? No, this was just a game, all for my enjoyment! I didn't really want to send cards, just go through a photo shoot with three live wires for the fun of it! Good practice should I ever become a zoo employee!

Snapfish agreed to re-print the order and overnight the cards. Ah. I could still squeeze in under the wire. But not so fast... Now the 2nd order appears to also be lost! That was 3 days ago, and I'm not sure how that equates to "overnight" service. Years of using the Postal Service with no missing mail, and now I seem to be in a California-to-Georgia Bermuda Triangle of lost mail. I really thought I'd been a good girl this year. I mean, there was that time... but I digress. Where on God's green earth could 2 separate packages have gotten to??

After a full-page email sent to Snapfish Customer Service (did I mention their 800 number kept disconnecting my call?), in which I perfected the personal art-form of scathing denigration accompanied by Lady-of-the-manor manners ending with "Kindly refund my entire order amount," I received a note back from them.

Snapfish cheerily refunded my money, and proceeded to send a marketing email asking that I tell my friends about them and their photo services. Ah, I just did! Consider my friends and family notified, Snapfish! And thank you, Snapfish, for almost causing a breakdown here!

To all of you, thank you for listening to my Fish Tale. It's true, every bit of it. Now excuse me while I go postal.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Death of a Drink

"Death of a Drink"

November 2006

You can never be too careful with liquids around here. Just when you think you have a drink on a high-enough counter, or pushed far enough back, well, quite frankly, disaster will strike.

The evening started out tranquil enough: babies eating dinner in high chairs, Daddy watching the news, Mommy puttering around the kitchen. A Bloody Mary sounded good, so I mixed one up. Before I could even take a sip, squalling broke out from the Dining Duo. Now, for some reason, although the distance from High Chairs to Daddy was noticeably closer than that to Mommy cowering in the kitchen corner, enviously eyeballing the fresh drink... well, the sounds of whining babies somehow tipped the typanic balance in Daddy's eardrums, resulting in paternal deafness.

I scurried over, getting first Isabella out (Loud One), and setting her free, then hurrying to Jadyn. There may have been a comment directed towards the Daddy in the recliner, but nothing I could swear to. All of a sudden Loud One begins to shriek hysterically from the direction of the kitchen. I plop Jadyn down and run toward the noise.

Isabella has up-ended my entire spicy Bloody Mary on her head. Ouch. Tomato juice everywhere. Spicy peppercorns spotting her sparse hair. Eyes closed tightly in pain. I quickly strip her clothes off and rinse her face. Yuck.

At this point, Daddy comes to inspect the noise, and admonish Mommy for leaving a drink on the edge of the counter. Oh my. Them's fighting words. I hasten to correct him, using empirical evidence of Isabella's recent growth in height, per the pediatrician, supported by a rising tone of voice. All of a sudden we hear Baby B (Jadyn) saying "Oh no! Wa-wa!" from the den. Right beside the previously occupied recliner. "Wa-wa" in Jadyn's vocabulary is anything liquid. And she has just discovered Daddy's fresh, unattended beer, and poured the entire can into the recliner. Nice. How do they know when we are busy with another twin emergency?

Two drinks killed in a matter of 2 minutes. That's a tough record to beat. Man I miss that Bloody Mary.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

October 19, 2006 "Overheard on Aisle 3"

When Allie was visiting, we were talking about some of the funny things you say as a parent - things that could be misunderstood if taken out of context. I caught a few of them this week. I'll set it up as though someone is listening on another aisle, but can't see us.

Overheard, part 1 - what you thought you heard:

Isabella: "I want a poo! I want a poo! I want a POOOOO!"

Mommy: "There's a poo in the car, just a minute, you can see poo."

Reality: Isabella has spied a Winnie the Pooh doll that she wants. I remind her that we have a Pooh DVD to watch in the car.

Overheard, part 2:

Mommy: "There's a poo on your head! There's a poo on your head!"

Reality: Isabella & Jadyn are holding Pooh dolls on their heads while riding in the shopping cart.

OK, so Winnie the Pooh is the funniest example, for obvious reasons. And I could go on & on, since most of our outings end with me hurriedly pushing the girls to the car, assuring them that "poo" is inside. That's how I get my kicks.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

September 6, 2006

Sometimes when I'm sitting in the playroom, keeping watch over these 3, I list in my head all the titles of this occupation. Negotiator, diplomat, chef, police officer, truant officer, judge, merry maid - depending on my mood, the list grows ever more humorous! But I think my favorite title right now is that of referee. It says it all, everything you need to know in order to raise 3 children and keep your sanity.

As Head Household Referee you must have judgment when making calls, authority to enforce the decisions, knowledge of the rules of the game and all of the intricacies - and that all-important Red Card. Ah yes, the authority to send a player to his or her room for conduct unbecoming a child of mine! I take care to use this right whenever necessary, because #1: it preserves the peace and happiness around here and #2: before long they will grow too big for me to forcibly carry up the stairs and deposit in their rooms. (c;

These analogies of mine keep me entertained throughout all the madcap adventures. The latest trick du jour is The Dive. This move was introduced by Big Brother, also known as The Instigator. The Dive involves finding some high perch to stand on, and some soft item to land on. Exhibit A: The Dive was performed by Cole from the top of a pile of 5 couch cushions on top of the coffee table, down onto the leather ottoman piled with small cushions. Precarious, yet successful. Exhibit B: Isabella attempts The Dive. She stands on the seat of the tricycle, and dives onto a beanbag. Worrisome, yet successful. Exhibit C: Isabella attempts The Dive while standing the seat of a lower trike, and diving onto a chair. Problem? Oh yes. That chair has wooden arms. Ohhhh. You just can't make this stuff up.

Jadyn apparently has the skills of a pickpocket. She is particularly good at The Snatch & Run. Only, her wild giggling and diagonal run often give her away. She has tried The S&R on all of us. Isabella sits quietly reading a book. Jadyn comes up behind her and Presto! Snatch & Run. Cole reclines on the beanbag eating a snack, watching a show. Presto! The snack is gone. My favorite is the Ghost Snatch & Run. Several times I've fixed a drink for Cole & left it on the counter, only to hear him whine a moment later that I forgot his drink. I fuss back that it's Right On The Counter. We look at each other and say simultaneously... J-a-d-y-n. Sure enough, she will be in a corner, hiding, drinking Cole's drink.

It's always busy, rarely boring around here.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

June 20th: Summertime Days

Let's see, how do we pass the time in the summer? A variety of outings, guaranteed to exhaust all children, and particularly Mommy! So far we've hit three different parks, the pool, the library, the Greenway biking trail, and Costco - yes, that counts as an outing because it includes frozen yogurt for a treat. Besides, they have those great big carts that can hold two babies in the seat, and a five year old in the basket. That's my kind of place. Oh, did I forget $7 bottles of wine? Huge cartons of diapers? Samples on every corner? These kids can eat the house down.

We've been meeting some of Cole's friends, and mine, at different parks each week. He has a blast, running wild with the boys, and the girls get to practice their climbing skills. They are especially good at running in opposite directions, while I stand & decide which one is in more danger. Jadyn at the top of the curvy slide, preparing to go down headfirst? Or Isabella, stepping off the edge of the platform? Oops, there goes Jadyn yelling "Wheeee..." Isabella, you have got to develop some depth perception! That's a 2 ft. drop-off! Oh, Cole, you're not supposed to climb on top of slide tunnel, hang on, don't jump! OK, no broken bones. I'm gonna have to pack something stronger than water in the cooler. For me, not them, everybody settle down! Some days it just doesn't pay to leave home.

The next day dawns, Mommy drinks coffee and ponders what fun outing we could go on today. In the background Jadyn begins to yell "Ba-bah! Ba-bah! (Bella) Uh-oh....uh-oh..." She comes my way, frantically pointing to Isabella in the hallway. What is it, Lassie? What is it girl? Is Timmy in the well? Oh, thanks for calling me, Jadyn. Isabella has a small shovel and is digging in my potted plant. Dirt & moss are strewn around the foyer as she dances in it. Jadyn continues to exclaim "Uh-oh...uh-oh..." What is that thumping sound? Good grief Cole! It is not OK to bounce such a large ball off the walls. Outside, now! What was that I said about not leaving home? We've gotta get out of here! And so it goes, the scale tipping back & forth each day as I weigh the fun of staying home versus getting out...