Is it wrong to Gorilla-glue Barbie's shoes to her feet? Because that hussy can barely keep her clothes on, let alone those murderous 10 inch heels. And while I don't know how many Barbie shoes Mr. Big's digestive tract can take, I do know that it will be put to the test.
Because he is on the move.
Just like that.
One day, spinning in circles, staying in one spot - the next day crawling and moving and under the table and then standing there banging on the window and eating cardboard and oh my lord he found a Barbie shoe. And there are more where that came from, small hungry animal. Those shoes breed in the playroom corners and hide from all my attempts to gather them up and do away with them. Hence the glue idea.
And as all mothers of a baby just learning to move know - they are unstoppable. Hence the "I've got to be going now." Because apparently when babies wait until 10 months to crawl, and can already pull up and cruise along the furniture, they catch on to the next stage of moving skills exponentially. Speed-of-light exponentially. Which calls for extreme cleaning of the floor, coffee tables and playroom.
Here's how it went. All morning: pulling up, crawling, sitting, three-point turns on all fours, trying out his new moves. Very excited boy, very exciting bystanders, big, big day. By that last cat-nap, at 4pm? Standing in the crib. Do you know where I'm going next? Yep. I had that sucker on the highest newborn-top-level -baby-can't-move-spot. Which means that long ole Mr. Big was leaning over the rail. But yesterday he wasn't even rolling around in there! He was right where I left him, morning, noon and night.
Then came the mad dash to find that tool, that little wrench that loosens the crib bolts, which had been cleverly hidden by my loving assembler of all baby gear. Then the final lowering - all the way down, baby. Which made him very suspicious at bedtime. Where the booties am I, said his little face. Why am I way down by the f-l-o-o-r ??
We have moved out of infancy. And my granny will be calling after reading this, to remind me that her babies played in play-pens so she could get stuff done. I hear you. Loud and clear.