Monkey see monkey do

Busted

Today:

Cole: Mom, do that funny "I'm a fat baby" thing you do.

Me: Not right now, I can't go from angry mommy to funny mommy that quickly.

Cole: That's funny, because you can sure go from funny mommy to angry mommy in an instant.

Ba-duh-DUM! That's right folks, he'll be here all week!

Oh, the joyous moments we have with our offspring. Oh, the heartwarming moments when we think we have utterly failed to teach them any gratefulness or empathy. Oh, the proud instant when angry mommy decides a lesson is in order. All for the greater benefit of mankind, don't ya know, let alone the lesser, albeit crucial, benefit of family serenity. Don't even get me started on my "productive member of society vs societal leech" lecture.

I am learning what a parental soapbox-er I can be, if the recent eyes glazing, and little heads nodding in pain with that "please-just-finish-fussing-so-we-can-get-on-with-our-fun-and-or-squabbling" looks are any indication. All for the greater good, I tell you!

Add to it my lecture list, which is growing with the ages my kids reach.

For age 10, the list contains one prominent speech: "Apply yourself in school to the best of your ability, or you will grow up to live in a van down by the river." This one has many variations, and yes, the examples of future fast food jobs and beat-up cars (also parked down by the river) are trotted out. They don't work. Ten year olds think fast food jobs are super cool, and beat-up cars just mean fun has been had in them.

Now, one lecture that did get his attention, surprisingly, was the "Please think long and hard before you start a family of your own" talk. I know. It slipped out in a moment of weakness, when Child 4 was bombarding me with sensory overload (read: screaming AND lofting cars at me). I begged Cole to travel and finish his education and do all sorts of fun things before he settles down and starts a family.

He replied frankly: "I'm beginning to think I should be a bachelor like Uncle Zay, and spend all my money on heated toilet seats and sports cars!"

Oh, the simple pleasures of (supposed) bachelorhood! Heated toilet seats?? That I cannot attest to, in his uncle's defense. The sports car? Oh yes. Top of the line.

I don't know where I was going with this chat, or if I reached my destination. But wow! I feel better. Confessional booth, you are borderland today.

I can now ease up on the lectures.

(Still for the greater good, I swear it!)

Merry merry

Eat drink and be merry they said, and so we did.

The company Rick works for had their annual holiday party weekend, and it was my favorite so far. Maybe because I actually got to stay over at the resort, and wasn't called home early for sick kids, hmmm? It's been a theme - each year at party time, some small Lear has been sick. So this year was extra fun, what with all the wellness just exuding from our pores.

Sunset cruise on the lake, tasty catered dinner, dance floor, full bar? Hello, my name is B.

Partying with a crowd I see once a year? Fun - now that it has been 7 years, and we all know each other a bit. (Hi Jen, Hi Darlene!)

We haven't danced that much in years, and it was a riot. I don't even have more pics to share because A.) I didn't get a new work iPhone like Rick, and B.) dancing is more fun than taking pictures.

Amen.

A joke. Who, me?

I realize now I have been playing jokes on you.

You already know this, and yet you keep showing up.

Here is the joke - get ready, it is very funny:

I keep promising to write stories about HI-larious things, and then I never post them. Or write them. I just promise, promise, promise, and then walk away.

Can you get your breath back? Wasn't that the best? I know. Like, you would think, having looked over the last post where I said Mama had been up to hijinks, that I would return and in an orderly fashion, begin the post on Mama and her Hijinks. See, I even have a title. But no.

Oh, what is it that is paved with good intentions? The way to Santa's heart? I thought so.

Instead, oh instead let me go on and on about the multitude of things I am accomplishing as we speak. Teacher gifts - always a favorite task! Making cards, also a treat! (I am making sets of 6, for gifts. And when I say "sets," and "gifts," I mean "set" and "gift" - for that is as far as I've gotten. Singular.)

And, and, and! The elves have arrived at our house, and boy howdy do I love their mischief. I especially love it when I have fallen asleep, reading on the couch (every night. count on it.), and I wake up to sleep-walk to bed without losing my nod and Bam! I remember the mischief that is to be made. And I try to make Rick do it, and he argues about how HE wanted to elves to come ONE week before Christmas, and I insisted on this week, and HE will be rocking elf mischief during that last week. I would threaten a throttling but.... he comes up with clever trouble for them. Because he is wide awake and NOT sleeping on the couch. So back down I head, to work my magic.

Now, you may be wondering, as you often do - "Does the presence of the elves make your kids behave like angels?" Well. Frankly, no. Not at all. Sure, sure, the good intentions are there. But the threat level goes to red every afternoon, and I can feel the magic wearing thin. 2 out of 4 children will be impacted by the threat of poor behavior equaling Christmas consequences. A 50/50 shot at curbing behavior? Methinks them odds are stinky.

And on that note, I will wish you a Happy Friday, and go on my merry way. I promise.

PS I love these guys.

Holidays? What holidays!

Hi kids. I'm still here, still kicking and wow! Is it December already?? I am taken by surprise this year. I have yet to browbeat Rick into dragging the holiday decor out of the attic, and yet to hang my crafty advent banner. The shock of it! Don't worry, the kiddies are surviving just fine with the new countdown calendar I unveiled.

Using the same magnetic premise cookie sheet as Halloween... Who, me? Recycling and re-inventing? Well, it IS red, and it WAS begging to be used again. Alas, no photos yet. Be good little girls and boys and I may whip out my special (untalented) camera for a poorly lighted photo or two.

I know, I hear the sighs and questions "How do you find the time?? Are you a time traveler??

Well, one question at a time. If you know me and my love of all things mystical, the time travel question will take a whole post.

The first answer is this: I stole time. I stole time from my home. Instead of cleaning it, I made a crafty calendar. I know it, my family knows it, and by golly my floor shows it.

Now that we have that burning question answered, we can all relax.

I have some Tales of Mom to relate - because my mama has been a busy bee, and it's not just guinea hens anymore, kids.

But that will have to wait too - oh the tease of it! - as I leave you with a line from dear mama, and I quote: "The dogs pulled a houdini and got out of the fence because the gate was broken. Jeremy had fixed it temporarily, but it didn't hold. I had a few glasses of wine, and then did some mowing on the big mower and accidentally took out the gate, did I not tell you that?"

No. No you did not. I am still laughing, just picturing the scene. Do you think she was wearing a swimsuit, like in the Great Guinea Chick rescue?? Oh words, you are fine things, but sometimes a picture is necessary.

Many smiles to you and happy Friday! I'm not saying ignore your chores, but a little calendar would be so much fun... ;-) It can be our tiny wittle secwet.