Monkey see monkey do

Busted

Today:

Cole: Mom, do that funny "I'm a fat baby" thing you do.

Me: Not right now, I can't go from angry mommy to funny mommy that quickly.

Cole: That's funny, because you can sure go from funny mommy to angry mommy in an instant.

Ba-duh-DUM! That's right folks, he'll be here all week!

Oh, the joyous moments we have with our offspring. Oh, the heartwarming moments when we think we have utterly failed to teach them any gratefulness or empathy. Oh, the proud instant when angry mommy decides a lesson is in order. All for the greater benefit of mankind, don't ya know, let alone the lesser, albeit crucial, benefit of family serenity. Don't even get me started on my "productive member of society vs societal leech" lecture.

I am learning what a parental soapbox-er I can be, if the recent eyes glazing, and little heads nodding in pain with that "please-just-finish-fussing-so-we-can-get-on-with-our-fun-and-or-squabbling" looks are any indication. All for the greater good, I tell you!

Add to it my lecture list, which is growing with the ages my kids reach.

For age 10, the list contains one prominent speech: "Apply yourself in school to the best of your ability, or you will grow up to live in a van down by the river." This one has many variations, and yes, the examples of future fast food jobs and beat-up cars (also parked down by the river) are trotted out. They don't work. Ten year olds think fast food jobs are super cool, and beat-up cars just mean fun has been had in them.

Now, one lecture that did get his attention, surprisingly, was the "Please think long and hard before you start a family of your own" talk. I know. It slipped out in a moment of weakness, when Child 4 was bombarding me with sensory overload (read: screaming AND lofting cars at me). I begged Cole to travel and finish his education and do all sorts of fun things before he settles down and starts a family.

He replied frankly: "I'm beginning to think I should be a bachelor like Uncle Zay, and spend all my money on heated toilet seats and sports cars!"

Oh, the simple pleasures of (supposed) bachelorhood! Heated toilet seats?? That I cannot attest to, in his uncle's defense. The sports car? Oh yes. Top of the line.

I don't know where I was going with this chat, or if I reached my destination. But wow! I feel better. Confessional booth, you are borderland today.

I can now ease up on the lectures.

(Still for the greater good, I swear it!)

Merry merry

Eat drink and be merry they said, and so we did.

The company Rick works for had their annual holiday party weekend, and it was my favorite so far. Maybe because I actually got to stay over at the resort, and wasn't called home early for sick kids, hmmm? It's been a theme - each year at party time, some small Lear has been sick. So this year was extra fun, what with all the wellness just exuding from our pores.

Sunset cruise on the lake, tasty catered dinner, dance floor, full bar? Hello, my name is B.

Partying with a crowd I see once a year? Fun - now that it has been 7 years, and we all know each other a bit. (Hi Jen, Hi Darlene!)

We haven't danced that much in years, and it was a riot. I don't even have more pics to share because A.) I didn't get a new work iPhone like Rick, and B.) dancing is more fun than taking pictures.

Amen.

A joke. Who, me?

I realize now I have been playing jokes on you.

You already know this, and yet you keep showing up.

Here is the joke - get ready, it is very funny:

I keep promising to write stories about HI-larious things, and then I never post them. Or write them. I just promise, promise, promise, and then walk away.

Can you get your breath back? Wasn't that the best? I know. Like, you would think, having looked over the last post where I said Mama had been up to hijinks, that I would return and in an orderly fashion, begin the post on Mama and her Hijinks. See, I even have a title. But no.

Oh, what is it that is paved with good intentions? The way to Santa's heart? I thought so.

Instead, oh instead let me go on and on about the multitude of things I am accomplishing as we speak. Teacher gifts - always a favorite task! Making cards, also a treat! (I am making sets of 6, for gifts. And when I say "sets," and "gifts," I mean "set" and "gift" - for that is as far as I've gotten. Singular.)

And, and, and! The elves have arrived at our house, and boy howdy do I love their mischief. I especially love it when I have fallen asleep, reading on the couch (every night. count on it.), and I wake up to sleep-walk to bed without losing my nod and Bam! I remember the mischief that is to be made. And I try to make Rick do it, and he argues about how HE wanted to elves to come ONE week before Christmas, and I insisted on this week, and HE will be rocking elf mischief during that last week. I would threaten a throttling but.... he comes up with clever trouble for them. Because he is wide awake and NOT sleeping on the couch. So back down I head, to work my magic.

Now, you may be wondering, as you often do - "Does the presence of the elves make your kids behave like angels?" Well. Frankly, no. Not at all. Sure, sure, the good intentions are there. But the threat level goes to red every afternoon, and I can feel the magic wearing thin. 2 out of 4 children will be impacted by the threat of poor behavior equaling Christmas consequences. A 50/50 shot at curbing behavior? Methinks them odds are stinky.

And on that note, I will wish you a Happy Friday, and go on my merry way. I promise.

PS I love these guys.

Holidays? What holidays!

Hi kids. I'm still here, still kicking and wow! Is it December already?? I am taken by surprise this year. I have yet to browbeat Rick into dragging the holiday decor out of the attic, and yet to hang my crafty advent banner. The shock of it! Don't worry, the kiddies are surviving just fine with the new countdown calendar I unveiled.

Using the same magnetic premise cookie sheet as Halloween... Who, me? Recycling and re-inventing? Well, it IS red, and it WAS begging to be used again. Alas, no photos yet. Be good little girls and boys and I may whip out my special (untalented) camera for a poorly lighted photo or two.

I know, I hear the sighs and questions "How do you find the time?? Are you a time traveler??

Well, one question at a time. If you know me and my love of all things mystical, the time travel question will take a whole post.

The first answer is this: I stole time. I stole time from my home. Instead of cleaning it, I made a crafty calendar. I know it, my family knows it, and by golly my floor shows it.

Now that we have that burning question answered, we can all relax.

I have some Tales of Mom to relate - because my mama has been a busy bee, and it's not just guinea hens anymore, kids.

But that will have to wait too - oh the tease of it! - as I leave you with a line from dear mama, and I quote: "The dogs pulled a houdini and got out of the fence because the gate was broken. Jeremy had fixed it temporarily, but it didn't hold. I had a few glasses of wine, and then did some mowing on the big mower and accidentally took out the gate, did I not tell you that?"

No. No you did not. I am still laughing, just picturing the scene. Do you think she was wearing a swimsuit, like in the Great Guinea Chick rescue?? Oh words, you are fine things, but sometimes a picture is necessary.

Many smiles to you and happy Friday! I'm not saying ignore your chores, but a little calendar would be so much fun... ;-) It can be our tiny wittle secwet.

Overheard: Turkey Talk

Phoenix: Jady, let's go to people's houses and say Happy Giving Day.

Jadyn: No Phoenix, it's not like Halloween.

Jadyn: Is that the turkey butt?

Me: Yep. Dad's stuffing it with stuffing, and you're getting it on your plate later.

Jadyn: Ahhhhh! Let's ride our bikes away from the turkey butt.

Phoenix: I want macaroni instead.

Isabella: Poor turkey. We're gonna eat you. What are you doing to it?!

Phoenix: It's Anksgiving Day? All our family comes over?

Me: No buddy, it's just us this year. We'll see them at Christmas.

Phoenix: What?! You're not my family.

The turkey has...

...entered the building!

I know, after all those turkey lunches at the school, who could want more? Oh, the tradition! Another tradition is the kids talking about turkey for 2 weeks, and never actually eating any. None of them like it a bit. So Rick and I are always doomed to eat it until we cannot stand the sight of it anymore. Rick lasts longer than I do, I am a wimpy leftover eater. Two days max.

So my turkey chicks are all home for five days, and at the moment are wearing every coat they own. It is windy and 65 degrees, and their blood is thin. No, really, they are playing "how many coats can I put on" and they all look like doughboys. I don't know, but whatever it is, they are playing it outside, and I am listening to their noise through the filter of doors and walls.

Which means I can hear Jack Johnson crooning and strumming, and it's a good morning.

You can imagine that there is yet another handmade holiday banner hanging, and you would be right.

It says "thankful," and we are.

Thankful for health and well-being,

Thankful for small, whole little people

Who drive us crazy and make us laugh.

Thankful for humor and family

Preferably together, because one without the other

dooms us all.

Maybe.

or maybe it's just my family?

{Nope.}

Times have changed so much, that I don't even long for what used to be home, and what used to be our routine. I guess 10 years of children will change any tradition. It used to be that come holiday time I would feel the pull towards Beaufort County, and my grandmother's cooking. My brothers' teasing and the belly laughs that go along with family jokes that have been ongoing for decades. I would grow all angst-y and incomplete, and long only to be on the road headed for home. Somewhere, in the process of gaining children and losing family, that shifted.

It's good to be home.

And now a moment for something that hasn't changed - sentimentality at the holidays!

Thanks for being part of my bloggy community, and for the comments and emails no matter how frequent or rare. {I am thankful...}

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours wherever your Home may be.

The week, in photo

Shots of the week to tide you over? Yes? OK. Here they are...

One turkey lunch...

Two turkey lunch...

Three turkey lunch...

Four.

Mama don't want turkey lunch, no more, no more, no more.

Also, Cole went on the overnight 5th grade field trip this week, at a GA 4-H Center, and apparently held some snakes, rowed a canoe, climbed ropes and took a cold shower. Wow! Sending a camera with him resulted in some fun shots.

Have a great weekend!

Tidbits to share

We are barely out the classroom door, into the quiet hallway, when the sharing begins.

My baby sister was crying last night. My Mommy woke up and gave her milk. My baby is so tiny.

Another voice chimes in:

My, my, my brother, my baby brother is standing up and holding on!

And then the first voice is back:

I have two baby sisters, the new sister, and a two year old sister. The new baby is crying a lot.

Two by two, I take them to the media center. In the next duo of students, I have a joke-teller, and a family member reviewer - she tells me her family names, and I must then list all of my kids.

These are my weekly updates, each time I visit one of my girls' classes, for reading tests. They come with me in pairs, to listen to a story and take a short comprehension quiz on the computer. But the sharing of Important Business is paramount. Small hands slide into mine, and they vie for air time, eyes sparkling at the presence of a pair of fresh ears.

Mostly, it is talk of siblings, pets and holidays. Moving to new houses, best friends. Now and then there are soulful ones who share bits of their hearts and leave me wondering and wistful.

My mommy makes things that are perfect. (Speaking of baking, confided with sparkling eyes and confidence in her mommy's kitchen splendor.)

And this one, I can never forget:

I don't have a mommy, I have a nanny who takes care of me.

I could only hug this one, and greet him with a special smile ever after. There are the quiet ones I have made a mission to get a smile out of, and the wild ones I have determined will walk and not run down the hall.

At six years old their little personalities are shining out, striving for some independence and success. My ears may be the only ones listening to only them for that day, and I try my hardest to be present. To listen fully and let them know I am glad to be there, reading with them, and hearing the tidbits of their lives. When it is one of my own girls' turn, they both act the same way: they snuggle in and are mostly silent. Listening to their friends chat, and hearing my responses seems to be enough.

We pass by students that I know from years past, and other reading groups. Fingers wiggle and wave, they sneak a hug and get back in line. I leave the building with a smile, my thoughts swirling lazily over all the little tidbits I now carry.

Sweet pieces of sweet little people.

Not a bad way to spend a morning.

Terms of Endearment

I am scattered and smothered like the ubiquitous Waffle House taters.

Anyone else doing fifth grade HW that is all about personification, metaphors, alliteration or similes? No?

Oh. Well, then. Hi!

(Also, is it wrong for my child to take a project to school in a plastic Total Wine bag? Egads, I better switch that now before I forget.)

I'm popping in to say... 1. I was not dragged away and forced to sit a throne forever as a goth princess, and 2. the Halloween candy is gone, may it rest in peace.

This is one of those months when moms say "the days are long, but the years are short."

Even my brother-in-law said immediately, over the phone last night: "You sound tired."

I chuckled throatily. What a word that is! What wishful thinking! Maybe I should say: I chuckled congestively. There, that's more accurate.

I agreed and said something to effect that his nephew Phoenix was looking for winter boarding quarters. Ha! I wish I had actually said that, because as Ken is the other half of my doula, something could have possibly resulted from that request. Hmmm. Food for thought.

Anyway, these are busy times and long days.

The End.

Not really, but really. Have I over-committed somewhere? I would swear that there are fewer hours in the day, and those that remain are flying by at the speed of that asteroid that barely missed us last weekend. This life has been a mad dash of late, and I consider it a good week when the kids wear clean clothes each day, have bathed a few times, and eaten a fruit at each meal. So simple, right? You'd think, wouldn't you. Maybe I should really set those three things as my only weekly goals, and then - Shazam! I'd have this thing down. As long as clean doesn't mean ironed. Then - Shazam! It is ON!

I've gotten a lot accomplished these last few weeks, while I have not been posting - but it hasn't been graceful or laudatory. Speaking of laudatory (another good word! That literary HW, it hath bewitched me!), wouldn't it be great if we got a round of applause when we succeeded at a really challenging parenting feat? Like, if we nailed the cirque du soleil act of mothering, and a crowd of well-wishers stepped out and clapped heartily, while nodding encouragingly?

Wow. I digress. I was only saying Hi.

Hi!

I'll be back once I have something {real} to write about, and am de-scattered.

Happy Friday kids...